yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
