What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
