We're like a lot better than the average bears
we have pet lesbian snakes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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