Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
