I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
