there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
