So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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