I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
