I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
