If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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