Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
