i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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