the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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