you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
