At least make sure they are 18
Why
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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