yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize