What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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