my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
