I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
