Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
