Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
