Welp...herpes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
