that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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