Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
