Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize