I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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