I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize