I looked at my own cervix.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
