Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize