this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
