I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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