he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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