i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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