can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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