those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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