I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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