Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
