We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
