This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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