I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
