I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
