his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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