If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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