I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
