Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
