I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
