The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
