Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
