I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
