After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
