white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
