one might say we're banned from that church
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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