I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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