every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
