If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
