I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
