her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
