On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
