Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
