saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
