i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
