lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
