The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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