He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
