im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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