I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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