I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
