That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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