Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Randomize
