giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
two words: eviction party
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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