why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
