I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
