last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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