i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
