We won't sleep together?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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