I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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