my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
