I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
