i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
God I need to hump something, right now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
