I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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