Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
