Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
