he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry about my life...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
