she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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