That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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