There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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