I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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