I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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