a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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