They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize