first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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