it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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