Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
