I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
operation have a gay friend backfired
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize