Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
