chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
