I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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