This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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