Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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